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Serious Dicussion about bad behavior on parents towards their child(s)


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#1
TheDarkListener34

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So, this has been bothering me since I was but a teenager. I've been hearing and seeing a lot of teenagers under the age of 13 to 17 or younger even including in movies and shows about bad parenting like for example, beating up their own kids, telling them that their embarrassment. And things like inappropriate things to them like......forcing them to have sex with their own parent like a father..........This is unacceptable. This has been pissing me off for a long time. I hate seeing it continue. I know there's nothing I can do. But I just want to get this off my chest. I don't understand the concept. I did notice that their kids, do things that they shouldn't be doing. Doing drugs, smoke, drink. Just to remove the memories of their life that they're going through, because of their parents. I don't know why this is happening, all because of their own father or mother has a concerned way off there live or how they handle the situations by beating their own kids? excuse my language but What the fuck. I like to see them in prison for what they're doing to their own families especially their kids. This is not right. 

 

I never experience this type of thing before. Because I, on the other hand, have good parents. And I'll be a good parent one day. To my future daughter or son or even both. 

What do you guys think of this type of situation or unacceptable behavior? 


"Have you not heard of the Dark Brotherhood? Of the remorseless guild of paid assassins and homicidal cutthroats? Join us, and you'll find the Dark Brotherhood to be all that, and so much more. We are, more than anything, a union of like-minded individuals. We kill for profit, for enjoyment, and for the glory of the Dread Father, Sithis. We are family, with bonds forged in blood and death." - Lucien Lachance



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#2
AndalayBay

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It's usually people who were abused themselves. It's very hard to break the cycle. I had a shitty childhood and I decided the only way to break the cycle was not to have kids of my own. I was right. It's only been in the last few years that I've managed to overcome most of the damage. I still suffer from depression. The reason my mother was bad was because she was abused by her stepfather.
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!
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#3
TheDarkListener34

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Why does the cycle keep going on? And what's the cause of it. Is it because of they were abused of their parents and so on? 


"Have you not heard of the Dark Brotherhood? Of the remorseless guild of paid assassins and homicidal cutthroats? Join us, and you'll find the Dark Brotherhood to be all that, and so much more. We are, more than anything, a union of like-minded individuals. We kill for profit, for enjoyment, and for the glory of the Dread Father, Sithis. We are family, with bonds forged in blood and death." - Lucien Lachance



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#4
NobleShadowHunter

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Why does the cycle keep going on? And what's the cause of it. Is it because of they were abused of their parents and so on? 

There's a short answer and a long answer.

 

Short answer: Humans tend to follow patterns that they've learned throughout life, including destructive ones.

 

Long answer:  It's really damn complicated.  Humans are both predictable and unpredictable in what they'll do to themselves and others.  Nothing excuses the behavior, and no matter how badly a person is treated, no one should be subjugated to that kind of treatment. 

 

Sometimes the person who does the abusing, and was likely abused when they were younger, doesn't even believe that they are being abusive; their behavior is considered a norm.  An example of this that I can think of is my mother and her family.  My mother treated my sister and I like shit, like threatening to hit, saying that if we don't do X, then we'll get what's coming to us (I left a door unlocked one night by accident and she said that I'm lucky I didn't get raped.  I was 16/17 at the time), and shouting about everything that was wrong with us.  I remembered one time I was yelled at for three hours because I *gasp* dared to have a social life as a high school freshman. I then had to prove myself "worthy" to stay within her house, or I was off to my bio-dad's place (I was terrified of him at the time).  Because of that, I stopped going out and talking to people, because I was afraid the truth would get out.  It got to a point where I used to joke that it wasn't a full day until I got yelled at.  Eventually, I had to go to counseling on campus because it began interfering with school work when I was a sophomore in college.  I never understood why she did what she did until I watched and listened to all the dirty laundry her family had.  

 

Her mother did the same thing to her and her siblings, as well as her father (who did numerous other things that I won't mention), and I firmly believe that it influenced a lot of things in her life.  The biggest one that is apparent to all is her choice in men, mainly the last two.  Any "good man" she's ever had, she's abandoned (my brother Dustin's father in particular).  Unsurprisingly, her mother up to her great-great-grandmother were terrible judges of character when it came down to selecting a husband.  

 

Fast forward to current day to see the damage.  My oldest sister Michelle, who was raised by her great uncle and his wife (that marriage fell apart because...abuse...shocking), has had a life of hardships.  She's happily married, but she is always wary of herself and how she treats her husband and kids.  My brother, Dustin, who is also happily married with a daughter, keeps everyone at arms length (I think I've spoken to him about once or twice?).  Amanda, my older sister and guardian angel in human form, deals with anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other issues while being married, taking care of three kids under the age of six, and going back to school to get a good job so that her family can finally get out of poverty.  Then, there's me.  I have spent most of my life trying to ignore what's happened by burying myself in academics and sheltering myself from the world.  Sure, I can tell you a bunch of book shit, but I have to ask how basic romantic/platonic/hell, normal relationships work constantly, along with a bunch more fun lovely stuff.  However, each of us does what we can to break that cycle and discover what "normal" is supposed to be.  

 

Perhaps the reason it makes you angry so much is that you're trying to find rational answers to things that are irrational.  It's doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that just because someone treated you like shit doesn't mean you have to continue that behavior.  And yet, society continues to see the product of broken homes and people every generation.  To make a long story short, there isn't a definitive answer.  Because for every person that exists, there will be just as many reasons why things like this continue.  The best you can do is be kind to those in need and to let go of whatever you're holding onto.  It's not keeping them (those that hurt you) up at night, only you.


  • AndalayBay and Sue like this

It's not that I don't love walking into the heart of danger to curry favor with the local magistrate of the hour, but... actually, that's exactly it.

 

Nobody tells me what to do... Actually a lot do, but here's where I get even!


#5
AndalayBay

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So much what NSH said. As NSH touched on, the main thing to remember is that people who grow up in these situations don't know what is "normal". My husband's family thought I was a snob because I had no clue how to deal with people, and families in particular. I was conditioned and programmed to be anti-social. Jimi and I connected really quickly because I had some time to "deprogram" after going through high-school and making some "acquaintances" and then really getting my independence in university. We had a lot of things in common and he really helped me break away from my mother. After being with Jimi for a while, I learned what families and the human community were really about.

My mother always said that if I left her, she would kill herself. Once I found out what families are and friends are, I told my mother that I didn't want to deal with her shit anymore. Six months later, she was dead. She stopped taking her meds and let her various medical conditions take her life. Aren't fucked up parents wonderful? My dad was better, but died as an alcoholic. My parents were divorced when I was seven years old and I wasn't allowed to contact my dad until I was 18. I did, but we couldn't make up for the lost time. This sounds really pathetic, but the point is that children in these circumstances don't know what is "normal" and adopt the pattern their parents have set. It takes other people to show them that their life isn't normal and they may need councilling to adopt a new lifestyle. Even if they get that "guidance", they may not be able to break the cycle, or the abusive behaviour, until they seek help, which is all too rare because it admits a weakness. Combine that with the stigma regarding mental illness and those are the reasons the "cycle" continues.
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!
-- Attributed to Thomas Beecham in reference to the performance of a female cello soloist

#6
TheDarkListener34

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I see. I understand. So is there any option to not let kids, teenagers, and young adults to not let them commit suicide?  


"Have you not heard of the Dark Brotherhood? Of the remorseless guild of paid assassins and homicidal cutthroats? Join us, and you'll find the Dark Brotherhood to be all that, and so much more. We are, more than anything, a union of like-minded individuals. We kill for profit, for enjoyment, and for the glory of the Dread Father, Sithis. We are family, with bonds forged in blood and death." - Lucien Lachance



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#7
NobleShadowHunter

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Suicide doesn't fix anything.  It just shifts the problem to someone else and leaves scores of people in pain, wondering why did this happen?  There should be, and there are, outreach programs to prevent such a thing.  Unfortunately, you can't help the people who never show up to get help.  That's why you have these, "If you know or think someone is off, then call 1-800-XXX-XXXX." These services rely heavily on those who are onlookers; very rarely will someone actually contact and go on their own.


It's not that I don't love walking into the heart of danger to curry favor with the local magistrate of the hour, but... actually, that's exactly it.

 

Nobody tells me what to do... Actually a lot do, but here's where I get even!


#8
AndalayBay

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And even if you do seek help, you may not get it. I finally got to see a psychiatrist to get my depression diagnosed and I wanted to continue to see a psychiatrist because therapists and counsellors can't prescribe medications in Canada. My family doctor can prescribe the meds, but he doesn't know anything about it, so he can't help much. Guess what I got told by the psychiatrist? I would have to be a danger to myself or others in order to see a psychiatrist! And if they thought that was the case, I wouldn't have been allowed to go home!! Guess what I said? Yeah, it's seriously fucked up.

Suicide is very selfish. You aren't thinking of those you leave behind, although to be fair, when you get to that point, you manage to convince yourself that everybody will be better off without you and they don't care anyway. If you think anyone cares, you won't do it. It's also an impulse. People who stop to think about it usually don't do it, so as NSH says, if you see someone in crisis, step in and you'll probably stop them.
Madam, you have between your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is scratch it!
-- Attributed to Thomas Beecham in reference to the performance of a female cello soloist




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