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NobleShadowHunter

Choices the Masquerade: Blood Bound

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Posted (edited)

Or alternatively, A Horrible Amalgamation of Twilight, 50 Shades, and Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines.

Allow me to provide the context for which this is supposed to make sense.

Back in the Summer of 2016 (IIRC), an mobile gaming app was released by a group called Pixelberry.  In a nutshell, each game is a story in which you control either a custom MC (such as Hero) or an established character (The Crown and the Flame or Most Wanted).  In addition to having some really kickass stories and interesting characters, much to my surprise when first playing the game, it is also infamous for its heavy use of Diamonds.  Diamonds are an in-game currency that you can by and use to unlock special scenes, weapons, armor, clothing, etc.  Unfortunately, you are only given enough diamonds for one or two premium options.  While some games, diamond scenes only add spice and a few more clothing options, but in others (and TCaTF was horrible at this) it was basically a MUST if you want the Best Ending.  Since its beginnings, which only had about 3-4 stories, has grown tremendously.  One of its newest titles is Blood Bound, and OOOOHHHHH BOY.  Let's just say, you'll figure out pretty quickly why I titled it the way I did.  Now that I've gotten the background covered, let's get to it!

Buckle up kiddies, this one is a doozy. 

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Right away before the game even starts, you're treated to a loading screen of a non-customized MC embracing (lol, see what I did there?)  the primary/heavily favored LI, something reminiscent of Twilight/50 Shades.  Immediately, I am taken aback by some of the loading screen tips, namely the ones that say Every culture has a some sort of vampiric myth and Some say vampirism dates back to ancient Babylon, maybe even further.  Hell, even vampire clans exist in the city.  Kinda reminds me of something...

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Nope.  Just a coincidence.  Totally not stealing, borrowing, inspired by this.

Anyway, after choosing my character's looks I am forced to come up with a name.  Let's do...Lilith.  No reason at all.  None. Just like the name. Why are you looking at me like that?  Lilith is your stereotypical small town girl with big dreams, living in the city of New York with her nerdy roommate Lily (more on her later).  The game starts with her about to enter a job interview, and with that the shit show is officially on the road. Just a heads up, most of this will contain snark and not be 100% verbatim of what happens.

Lilith walks into Raines Corporation, where she is greeted by some bitch whose name I have already forgotten about.  Let's call her, Stereotypical Right Hand Woman.  So Stereotypical Right Hand Woman opens up by asking some pretty basic questions:  Why do you want to work here?  What do you think you can bring to the company?  I should also point out that Lilith is surprised that she's apparently being looked at for the role of assistant to the CEO.  Seriously?  WTF?  Don't you think you should know what the fuck you're interviewing for?  Rule #1 man, and you already fucked up.  Stereotypical Right Hand Woman is then interrupted by the CEO, Adrian Raines himself.  You get to choose what Adrian looks like, so I went with the guy in the middle. 

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Let's be honest, the other options weren't even real options...

Let's give him a nickname...How about Not-Christian Grey?  Not-Christian Grey barges in on your interview and the asks Lilith some weird shit and then he asks you about your take on a story that carries some philosophical points to ponder.  No matter what you pick, you're guaranteed the job regardless.  Man, I wish I had that level of charisma.  I'd feel a lot better about my current job hunt.  What?  I have loans.  Don't judge me.

Stereotypical Right Hand Woman objects to his rash decision to hire Lilith, but he's all "Eh, fuck it," and ignores her.  Lilith is then prompted by Not-Christian Grey to go pull some presents out from the basement for some friends of his that are on their way over.  Some more weird shit is said and Lilith is only mildly concerned.  I'm so glad this is our protagonist.  She runs into some weird, old guy who is grumpy and tells her to GTFO, but she's all like "plz no."  Grumpy then disappears for a little bit and gives her a box full of some antiquity stuff and something called red mandrake Not-Christian Grey probably bought off Amazon.  Grumpy then tells Lilith who to give the gifts to and to not fuck up and that the red weed is for Not-Christian Grey, and she's all "k thx bye."  Lilith then arrives and meets another two people whose names I cannot be bothered to look up so I'll just give them nicknames:  Egyptian Ming Xiao and Mr.  I Don't Respect Women. As long as you pick the right option, Lilith hands out the gifts successfully like a sobered Santa Claus with tits.  Not-Christian Grey is happy, as are Egyptian Ming Xiao and Mr.  I Don't Respect Women.  Mr.  I Don't Respect Women gets ahold of your arm and suggests that you call him Daddy, and Not-Christian Grey and Egyptian Ming Xiao are disgusted because GFDI...

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I was gonna say it's the current year but I guess this works too...

 Not-Christian Grey is not amused, leaps to defend your honor, and tells Mr.  I Don't Respect Women that he does not know de way.  Lilith is then instructed to leave the room and then gets a text from her roommate Lily.  Since we are on a roll with nicknames, let's call her Not-Heather Poe.   Not-Heather Poe texts you about how things are going and reveals that she's waiting for date night with her girlfriend.  Suddenly, the Cool Kids Club meeting adjourns and Not-Christian Grey invites you to dinner, which, shocker, is a diamonds-only option.  At this point, I said fuck it and took to the internet to see what happens.  Turns out vampires are slightly different in that they can partake in mortal food/drink.  Whew.  Good thing they threw that in there, otherwise I would have thought for sure that they heavily borrowed from a much better vampiric game.  I'm sure we'll have more signs that prove that this isn't just some shitty VtM universe fanfic. /sarcasm

Just like in any self-insert style game, your character is treated to a fine meal paired with even better booze.  Not -Christian Grey  then asks Lilith to describe experience with said booze, resulting in Lilith shitting out some purple prose that would make Stephanie Meyer eat her asshole out with Tabasco sauce and ghost peppers.  Not-Christian Grey is aroused by this for some fucking reason...I don't know...And then you ask him about his personal life after he mentions that he's from France.

Wait a minute.

A financially successful Vampire CEO? From France?  With his name plastered on a giant corporate building?  Hmm...

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God, if only I could think of someone with similar characteristics.  I'm sure it'll come to me eventually.

Lilith then spouts out some shit about building for a better future, the dinner ends, and you meet Not-Heather Poe at home, who's been flaked on by her girlfriend.  Lilith either tells her "I'm sure it's nothing," or "Dude, dump that bitch."  Not-Heather Poe then asks her about her day and she's all, "Oh, it's nothing.  I just got a job at a big ass corporation and shit is only a little weird."  Lilith then remembers she's carrying Not -Christian Grey 's weed and then runs back to work to drop off the evidence.  She sees that Not -Christian Grey is still in his office and walks right in without knocking.  Motherfucking Millennial.  How dare she not announce her presence?  Liliths is the embodiment of everything wrong with generation, I tell you...    is

Anyway, Lilith witnesses Not -Christian Grey y basically doing the one thing shy of deep-throating Stereotypical Right Hand Woman on his desk and then the chapter ends.

To be continued..

 

 

Edited by NobleShadowHunter

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21 hours ago, Amadaun said:

This is amazing and I demand more.

As the Snark Queen commands!

Chapter 2 picks up immediately where last chapter ended.  Not-Christian Grey is still deep-throating Stereotypical Right Hand Woman and looks at Lilith as if she's going to be desert.  Lilith finally decides to fucking panic at the situation and then Stereotypical Right Hand Woman gets up and bitches her out for not knocking first.  Not-Christian Grey apologizes for kinks and Lilith, despite emoting earlier is now all "meh" and hands him his weed.  Stereotypical Right Hand Woman tells Not-Christian Grey that telling the brand new assistant is a horrible idea and he basically tells her, "eh fuck it,"...again. Not-Christian Grey says that vampirism is cool in the city, so as long as it is consensual and then asks you do to him a solid.   Rather than do the sensible thing and handing in her two-weeks notice, Lilith is all "sure why not."  

So it turns out there's a whole council for the vampires in New York and they are called the Camerilla.  Actually, no, they're just called the Council.  Each vampire on the Council is the head of their clan kinda just like the Camarilla.  Not-Christian Grey then says that the two of them are going to this exclusive club/fashion show place owned by some bitch named Priya Lacroix.  Wait, a douche-canoe character named Lacroix?  Who represents a clan within a giant city?  Hmm...

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Lacroix wants his royalty check, dammit.

Fuck it. From now on I'm calling her Princess Lacroix.  Upon hearing that Lilith's favorite fashion designer is a cruel, sadistic vampire, her reaction could not be anymore jarring.  She could not give two shits about walking into her club knowing what she knows about Princess Lacroix.  Lilith then notes that her attire isn't up to par with what is expected at a fashion show of Princess Lacroix and then Not-Christian Grey, for some fucking reason, has a small shipment of Princess Lacroix's latest batch of dresses.  Surprise!  Diamond option that doesn't really affect jack shit!  Lilith, if turning down the dress, comments that wearing something that costs more than her rent is a terrible idea.  And yet it still hasn't dawned on her that going to Princess Lacroix's club is an even worse idea. The two leave and Lilith asks some Not-Christian Grey some stupid shit about being a vampire, but some of them actually help set up for future conviences world building within the context of the story.  The biggest offender is her asking about the sunlight, to which he replies that vampires have about 30 minutes tops before they succumb to Final Death...I mean, going bye-bye.  Well at least we can all take heart that vampires don't sparkle.  Thank fuck for that.  And then Lilith finally asks "have you killed anyone?"  Hey dumbass, probably NOT the thing to be asking your boss right about now.  Or ever, for that matter.

Did I mention how much I'm so glad this is our protagonist?

So Lilith and Not-Christian Grey go down to Princess Lacroix's to talk about the recent attacks that have been happening in the city.  Turns out vampires can become feral!  Not-Christian Grey also reveal that him and the other Not-Primogen stole their ideas for organizing their super secret society and keeping population in check from a much better game about vampires. 

Anyway when you get to the door the two of you are blocked.  If you chose the "I'm his assistant" option, the bouncer is all "lol no," but then Not-Christian Grey implies otherwise.  By the way, this entire story up to this point is less than 24 hours.  Just in case you were wondering.  Anyway Lilith watches some people being too sexy for their shirts out on the cat walk and then spots a painting fragment lying on the ground.  Because reasons. Lilith picks up the hallucinogenic picture and has an acid trip worthy of song, and it really makes you wonder if Not-Christian Grey gave her a blunt full of the red weed before they left.

Cut to a scene of Not-Christian Grey waking up in a log cabin during the American Revolution with his Sire, whom we'll call Chekhov's Sire.  Chekhov's Sire and Not-Christian Grey have a back and forth on what has just happened and then tells Not-Christian Grey to stop being a pussy and snack on the British Soldier outside.  After British Soldier points his boom stick at Not-Christian Grey, he becomes a human Capri-Sun.  Alas, British Soldier, he is dead.

Lilith's acid trip ends and Not-Christian Grey shows up and says he needs to meet with Princess Lacroix on Camer-I mean, Council business.  In exchange for diamonds, Lilith goes into Princess Lacroix's Red Room with a male-flavored Vesuvius twist, sees some weird decadent shit, and then get hit on by Princess Lacroix.  Not-Christian Grey tells Princess Lacroix to get off her ass and act like a real fucking Not-Primogen and she's all like, "nah."  Lilith pulls a klutz moment, falls over, and cuts her hand on broken glass which send the vampires into a tizzy.  Not-Christian Grey pulls an Edward Cullen and everyone backs off and then the two leave.  They then discuss the recent events and Lilith is all, "This was fun!  :D" Once again, I ponder the meaning of life.  Eventually the two end up in Central Park and Not-Christain Grey says that Stereotypical Right Hand Woman actually had a point and that Lilith needs to be debriefed.  Lilith then asks what that means and the two spot a Feral Nosferatu Vampire chomping down on a woman like she's a human Capri-Sun and then the chapter ends.

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I don't know and I don't think the game knows either.

Stay tuned for chapter 3!

 

 

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11 hours ago, Visceral Moonlight said:

I still haven't played VM:B. I feel ashamed.

You should! (feel ashamed)

If you get it from GOG, I think it includes the patches. I was tempted to buy it again just for that.

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And don't play a Malkavian first or you'll miss a ton of stuff.  It's not quite the hard mode of the Nosferatu, but it makes it more difficult to figure out what's going on.

I'm currently on a Tremere playthrough to get the non-LaCroix Camarilla ending.  

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Are they the ones that can do the blood magic? I love playing them. Very hard at first, but once you get your blood reserves up, they're awesome.

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And now, for the not so thrilling conclusion of Interrupted Nosferatu Snack Time!

Feral Nosferatu notices Not-Christian Grey and Lilith and decides it's best to put down his human sippy cup and kick some ass.  Rule #Whatever-the -fuck of Vampires:  Never interrupt snack time.  Feral Nossie decides to pick at Not-Christian Grey's likely future snack, but he's all "aw hell naw" and steps in between to save Lilith.  At this point, I really want to change her name to Too Dumb To Live.  Maybe I will.  Maybe.

Not-Christian Grey the asks Lilith to hand him a weapon and she can decide to choose between either a sharp branch or a rock.  Remember those loading screens?  The ones that no one pays attention to?  Guess what was your clue to this part of the chapter?  So Lilith, in moment of clarity (actually it was me being smart; Lilith probably would have thrown the rock.  Dumb bitch), and Not-Christian Grey sends the Feral Nossie to his Final Death.  That bastard.  He just wanted his human Capri-Sun. 

What a prick.

Lilith then asks Not-Christian Grey to call the Wambulance and he says "yeah, but we def need to gtfo when they get here. Also you call since I'm a little shit.  Snitches get stitches hoe."  The two then, but before they do Lilith remembers that One Kinda Important Plot Point:  The Debriefing.  Not-Christian Grey says "oh yeah that," and then they go through a back door guarded by a code.  That Not-Christian Grey knows.

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What the Fuck.

How the hell does he know the pass code?  WHY does he know the pass code?  Don't give me that shit of, "well he's a local billionaire, why wouldn't he know?!"  Bill Gates is the Richest Man Alive, but do you think every art gallery in the world hands out their secret pass codes for after-hours browsing?  I don't care how much money you can afford to wipe your ass with, it's a major security risk.  Who the hell approved this?  Are they a member of his clan?  Does this make him a Not-Toreador?  Fuck off game.

Lilith and Not-Christian Grey take a ride down to the basement where they meet some 14th century-dressed fuck.  No, I'm not joking.  There is a literal 14th century guy there in his 14th century attire, and how no one outside of this secret society has not bumped into this gent before I do not know and the game certainly does not provide a logical explanation.  It's vampires in a story, dammit!  So What's-His-Fuck asks if Lilith is her for her Debriefing and Not-Christian Grey looks to her for an answer.  Lilith finally asks the question, "what's involved?" and discovers that it's a euphemism for having your mind wiped.  Not-Christian Grey asks her again if this is what she wants, and we've arrived to the point in which the game is now fucked.  She says no.  Like a dumbass.  Her reasoning is that this is the most alive she has ever felt and she basically wants to gather her party and venture forth.  And they all just roll with it.

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What.

You mean to tell me that a centuries kept secret (at least in the New World, a later chapter will explain this) can simply be put at risk all because some stupid twat wasn't smart enough to stay the hell away from the obvious danger?  You mean to tell me that New York vampire society, a place that is surrounded and well-supplied with nearly every decadence available is willing to hand-wave it all and say, "well guys, we can't mind wipe her because it won't be consensual!"  Was that a term in your dumbass Compact?  Does no one think this is a horrible idea, or at least enough to say, "fuck what you want, this is a masquerade violation"?  When the fuck did vampires care about consent?  I get when you have thralls, feeding is a lot easier but fucking hell, you mean to tell me that there's never an instance where they're away and didn't pack a lunch?  Do they buy blood from the blood banks?  Who controls the blood bank?  DOES anyone control the blood bank?  That would seem like a pretty handy thing to have, or is that considered off-limits by your stupid Compact?  It may not seem like much now, but trust me it gets worse once you meet...

Well, I don't want to spoil it just yet.  Long story short, the answer to all of this is convenience, and damn, it doesn't get better from here.  Anyway, back to the "plot."

So Not-Christian Grey thinks it's a bad idea but doesn't give a shit because the vampire boner is strong with this one and he just goes along with it.  The two eventually part ways and Lilith crashes back at her place.  She's so exhausted by the days events that she doesn't wake until the next night.  Not-Heather Poe then informs Lilith that her girlfriend got back with her ex, and that she feels like shit.  Honestly, Not-Heather Poe likely going to be the most relatable character in this game.  Just a heads up.  Lilith decides to do an actual smart and decent thing and takes Not-Heather Poe out for a night of getting shitfaced via tequila shots.  Well, if you paid diamonds, that is.

Not-Heather Poe and Lilith proceed to get shitfaced and shittalk her new ex and the chapter ends with a strange man watching them.  I'm sure he won't be relevant to the plot what so ever.

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Sorry for the long break!  I've been getting stuff figured out and what not.  On the bright side, I got a job as an assistant director!  Onward to the shitshow!

We begin with Lilith returning to work after the weekend.  After joking about how dull it was by comparison to her first night on the job, Not-Christian Grey tells her of another task that he has for her and that it is dangerous.  The Feral-Nosferatu-Snacking-on-Humans Brigade is getting out of hand, and he needs you to go in and talk to some douchecanoe named The Baron.  Apparently The Baron was one of the most powerful crime lords back during the Roarin' 20s and was made a Not-Primogen of the Not-Camarilla to avoid a full-blown street war.  He also owns a bar where the dress code is strictly 1920s, and if you pay Diamonds, you too can own a shiny flapper dress.  LOL, get fucked game.  He needs a nickname.  How about...Vampire Baron Praxis?  So far, out of all of the Not-Primogen so far, he's the most realistic.  A sadistic bastard who knows how to wield power, play the game, and not give a shit.  If only he were in a much better game about vampires...

Onyx Path Present Some Pre-Made Characters for VtM20

You know, I'll eventually think of the name of that game.  Just you wait.

Apparently, Not-Primogen cannot, or have forgotten how to operate a phone and Not-Christian Grey sends you off to Vampire Baron Praxis' lair to deliver some Not-Camarilla news/summons.  Am I the only one who secretly thinks he's trying to get you killed, or at the very least put you in a Damsel-in-Distress situation so that he can swoop in and save you?  Bad, Not-Christian Grey.  Swooping is bad!  

In addition to sending you on what basically amounts to a suicide mission, Not-Christian Grey offers to Lilith a temporary hickey-tattoo that basically tells other vampires that your his bitch and that you are totes protected.  Lilith gets branded, thinking that her decision to take his vampiric hickey will protect her from the big bad scary Vampire Baron Praxis.  I'm sure this won't be rendered a meaningless decision within the next five minutes...

Lilith finally arrives to the speakeasy and runs into a scrawny vampire who tries to intimidate her.  At first, it's hinted that he's Vampire Baron Praxis and then in a turn that everyone saw coming, the real Vampire Baron Praxis shows up and acts like an actual vampire out of the whole fucking cast.  Lilith tells him that Not-Christian Grey wants to talk about the Nosferatu who can't keep their asses in the sewer and that someone is making them and he's all, "meh."  Apparently none of the Not-Primogen save Not-Christian Grey and Egyptian Ming Xiao give a shit about preserving the Masquerade.  Actually, Not-Christian Grey only gives a shit when it suits him, so Egyptian Ming Xiao is the only one who cares but it's whatever.    

And in a twist that every fucking person with half a brain saw coming, Vampire Baron Praxis laughs at her vampire hickey and tells his lackeys to put Lilith back in the kitchen and she is stunned by this.  Apparently evil vampires don't give a shit about her hickeys from other vampires.  Who would have thought? 

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My face during this part of the story

I'm so glad this is our protagonist.

Lilith gets hauled to the kitchen, but before they can yell at her to make them a sandwich, a stranger busts through like vampiric Asian katana-wielding Jesus and saves the day.  Night.  You know what I mean.  Anyway the two of them escape and make it to a safe house.  Lilith's savior then informs her that he's been following her for some time and that he was the guy who was watching her at the club she went to with Lily.  Two more vampires enter the scene, and their names are Likable Babette and Grandpa. He then tells her that she's at a safe house for the...Clanless.  Who tend to go feral. More than those who are not taken into a clan.  And are doomed by vampire society to roam with no backing or support and are hunted down by the Not-Camarilla under the orders of the Not-Primogen.  These are not Caitiff.  They.  Are.  Not.  Caitiff.

Anyway, Lilith decides to spend some time with the Caitiff and they open up about themselves.  Grandpa is bitter and Likable Babette has a higher chance of going feral.  Grandpa then points out that What's-his-fuck needs to drink some blood because his wound looks like shit. 

Nickname time!  What's-his-fuck is now Kue-jin Blades Rodriguez.

Lilith, who is this close to being renamed as Stupid Bitch, offers herself up as a human Capri-Sun.  Kue-jin Blades Rodriguez gets a blood boner and Lilith gets off on him feeding off of her.  Turns out the bite doesn't hurt and...and...uh...Fuck it.  This game literally gave up trying to hide that it's basically stealing shit.

The moment passes and Lilith GTFO out of the safe house, but before she does Kue-jin Blades Rodriguez warns her to not trust the Not-Camarilla, Not-Primogen, and Not-Christian Grey.  Speaking of Not-Christian Grey, Lilith runs into him and either says "Oh, I totes escaped by myself," or that the Caitiff saved her from the kitchens of Vampire Baron Praxis.  Not-Christian Grey then feels bad for the Caitiff and says he wants to help them but the Not-Camarilla is full of assholes and then the chapter ends.

Thank God.

Except it doesn't.  Lilith and Not-Christian Grey walk into her apartment and find Not-Heather Poe nearly dead from a vampire being overzealous during snack time.  

Image result for well gang it looks like we have another mystery on our hands

Sad to say, even though she's the most likable person in the cast, I could not give a single shit at this point.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccck.

Edited by NobleShadowHunter

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